Modelling healthy habits when parenting through a pandemic
Parenting during a lockdown is SO much fun. Said no one. Ever.
Parenting is a challenge at the best of times (an awesome, love-filled, totally frustrating challenge), but throw a national lockdown into the mix – complete with school closures, social isolation, and financial concerns aplenty – and the cracks start to show.
Now, any ma or pa will tell you that their kids are the best darned thing that ever happened to them, but none of us signed up for the kind of crazy 24/7 home-schooling-whilst-working-from-home-without-help scenario that the past year has thrown our way.
And whilst toddlers can still toddle off to nursery under the latest lockdown rules, the cancellation of playdates and closure of anywhere worth taking them has left even the parents of littles tearing their hair out.
So listen up, mums and dads: it’s time for wellbeing to take centre stage.
Parental mental health takes a nosedive
Stress, depression and anxiety have all (unsurprisingly) skyrocketed under the pressures of lockdown. But while shocked we are not; concerned we absolutely should be.
We’re feeling hopeless and irritable; we’re lacking patience and struggling to relax; we’re getting easily upset and worrying about everything (and nothing). And these totally rubbish feelings are the natural by-products of our worsening mental health.
When we put ourselves under too much pressure as parents, and expect too much of our children in stressful situations, our mental health (and that of our children) starts to suffer. But as Niki Green, Owner of The Contented Child, reminded us in her recent podcast interview with Form Founder Rob Stephenson, we are continually modelling how to manage our emotions to our children.
Like it or not, they’re always watching (even when you’re trying to sleep, and the little creeps sneak into your room…)
Modelling good mental health for our children
Our kids are taking their cues from us; their parents. It’s up to us then to model positive working practices, put healthy coping strategies in place, and prioritise our own wellbeing – especially when our kids are home-schooling and around us on the regular.
In fact, modelling all of this is one of the most important lessons we can teach them – so try the five-step plan below:
Model routine: Children thrive on routine, so create a routine for school days that works for you. This will help you both to feel a little more ‘normal’ and in control.
Model kindness: Both you, and your children, are doing the best you can. You are enough, so take some of that pressure off.
Model acceptance: We’re trying to perform an impossible balancing act here, so accept that it isn’t going to be perfect. Trying your best is good enough.
Model self-care: Afford yourself – and your children – regular brain breaks. Talk a walk; dance; have something to eat; sing; meditate. Look after yourself, and each other.
Model open communication: Nothing helps our mental health like sharing how we’re feeling; talk honestly to your children, and encourage them to do the same.
It might also be time to think outside the box…
Making lockdown fun (well, eminently more bearable)
When the first lockdown struck, Mental Health Campaigner and Fancy Dress Challenge Creator Nicholas Jemetta decided to give his own mental health a boost, whilst entertaining his colleagues and raising a smile from his kids. How? By donning a different fancy dress get up…Every. Damned. Day.
Come lockdown #3, Nick is still going strong: from Mr Incredible to The Red Queen, nothing is out of bounds. And through his endeavours to inject a little light-hearted humour into his family’s days, Nick has also managed to raise thousands for mental health charities, all while boosting the wellbeing of those around him.
“My fancy dress fundraising challenge has given me, my family and pretty much anyone else who has seen the costumes a much-needed lift. Since being sponsored by Rubies Masquerade UK, my children have also been provided with costumes, so they've been able to join in and have some fun. It's been a very welcome distraction for us all.
Being able to 'distract' ourselves and our busy minds can make a material difference to our wellbeing. Turning your attention to something different (in my case fancy dress!) means giving your mind the opportunity to focus elsewhere, to decompress and to unwind. Whether that's playing a board game, getting creative with Lego, doing a treasure hunt around the house or taking a walk.”
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and what Nick’s Fancy Dress Challenge models for all of us is the importance of never taking life too seriously. So remember to give yourself and your kids regular breaks where you can all unwind, have fun, and put your feelings first.
Always supporting your Form
Being a parent right now is a tough gig, so give yourself a pat on the back for doing your best in an impossible situation. Accept that you are doing your best, even if you sometimes doubt it. And put the wellbeing of you and your family ahead of KPIs and the school curriculum, because your mental health is far more precious.
We’ll keep learning from our mistakes, doing our best to find fun in the mundane, and dreaming of brighter days. But if you’re really struggling to see past the present and need a bit of extra support, please reach out.
Remember that you are not alone in this. Reach out and ask for help. If you need an understanding ear, talk with a trusted friend or a family member. This is what FormScore is all about. To helps us notice how we are feeling, create social connections and support each other.
If you are really struggling, please visit any of the incredibly supportive resources available (including Mind, Young Minds, The Samaritans) or contact a local medical professional immediately.
Article by Emma Attenborough-Sergeant, The Wellness Writer.
With a passion for mental health and wellbeing, Emma set up The Wellness Writer to help leaders and organisations improve culture and engagement through relatable wellness content.